Wednesday, December 9, 2015


We are 13 weeks, 5 days today.  Shortly after our last doctor's visit, we went on a Caribbean cruise for the Thanksgiving holiday with my dad and all the kids.  I had been nauseated and miserable since the day I realized I was pregnant.  My pants had just started to get too small and my shirts were uncomfortably snug against my belly (at only 11 weeks!).  My students and coworkers were starting to look at my belly with a strange, questioning look.  I had finally started to tell a few people, and knew I would have to tell everyone when we returned from the break.
I dug out my maternity tubs, and took out the summer clothes to pack.
We had a fantastic cruise and my little belly grew, it seems, a lot while we were gone.  Somewhere in the first few days of the cruise, my nausea left, and I felt pretty good.  We had a beautiful vacation, our last family vacation before Katie goes off to college, and our last vacation before we settle in to grow this little peanut.
 12 weeks (baby is plum size)

We arrived home, and told everyone we hadn't already told that we were expecting.  Everyone is very excited, especially for Jason since this is his first child (well, the first one he gets to start from scratch with!).
We had another doctor's visit, and everything is still looking good.  I only gained two pounds on the cruise, so yippee for me!
I am feeling pretty good now.  I am bloated and gassy like I have never been before; I am just holding on to the doctor's words that this should end by 16 weeks.  The nausea ended right at 12, so I am hopeful this will follow suit.   My belly grows bigger every day, and every day I am a little closer to being ready for this baby.
We talk about names now.  Jason is the captain of team pink and talks to his baby girl.  Braden is the captain of team blue and talks to his baby brother.  Poor gender-confused baby!  Mom is the captain of team "I just hope my baby is healthy and whole."  I hope that I am the winner.  I really don't care about any of the other teams.
I suppose we carry babies for 40 weeks not only so that they have time to grow from a microscopic spec into a huge watermelon-sized human, but also so that we can emotionally prepare for the new adventure waiting to begin when the pregnancy ends.  After three surrogate pregnancies and 12 years since I brought home a baby, my brain and my heart have some readjusting to do.
I am adjusting.  It is a daily task.  I do it along with trying to remember to take my vitamins, go on a walk, and eat vegetables.  I am going to grow a healthy baby.  I am going to hold this tiny human on my chest and feel the warmth of my own flesh against my heart.  I will be ready, and I will be happy.
My little peach and I are off to bed.  Growing a tiny human is exhausting!


November dawns and I am still in shock that we are expecting.  My doctor's visit is on a Monday, and I am anxious to see what she says.  I am unsure of the exact dates because there is no way to know for sure after the miscarriage when this happened.  I am worried that something will be wrong since she had told us to wait two months before trying again.  I am also worried because I have never been so sick from a pregnancy in my life.
I am guessing we are around 7 weeks based on when I started feeling sick.  The baby is the size of a blueberry.
Monday- Jason and I go to the doctor after work.  We do all the fun weighing in, blood pressure, etc.  We do the fun Pap smear (I still can't figure out why the first pregnancy visit includes this horror, but it always does).  After all the poking, the doctor feels my uterus and guesses we are closer to 8 weeks- the size of a raspberry. I am excited- one less week I have to be pregnant!  And, in more exciting news, I get to come back tomorrow for the ultrasound.
Tuesday- Jason and I arrive for our ultrasound and they call me back before he arrives.  I am trying to go slowly so he doesn't miss it and I don't have to hold them up.  We weigh in again (luckily, my weight didn't change since yesterday!) and go to the ultrasound room.  The tech is a young and peppy lady, and I am pretty happy we will get to see what is happening in my uterus.  She goes ahead to start the ultrasound, and I take a quick video for my mother in law and a picture of the little peanut.  Jason arrives, looks at the screen, and says, "It looks like a baby."  Aha!  He has figured it out... Haha, He apparently thought it would still look like an alien or a tadpole.  We watch the baby's little heart flutter and then baby starts to do this little dance.  All baby has is little arm and leg buds.  Baby is shaped like a peanut with a heartbeat, and I can hear the "itza, itza" sound my students always make as baby dances around in the big, black pool of all the fluid in my uterus.  Baby has plenty of room to swim and play still!
The tech finishes, says everything looks great, and says she will send the doctor in to give us a due date.  My doctor comes in and tells us we are nine weeks along, everything looks good, and we are due on June 10, 2016.  No blueberry, no raspberry, but a grape.  In two days, we gained two weeks of pregnancy.  This is awesome!

For the first time since I found out about this little peanut, I feel a bit of happiness.  I can see my baby doing it's little dance in my mind right now, and it makes me smile.  Growing a tiny human at this point in my life, with all that I have gone through is terrifying, but I know that it is going to be okay.  I just hold the picture of my dancing peanut in my mind.