November

November dawns and I am still in shock that we are expecting.  My doctor's visit is on a Monday, and I am anxious to see what she says.  I am unsure of the exact dates because there is no way to know for sure after the miscarriage when this happened.  I am worried that something will be wrong since she had told us to wait two months before trying again.  I am also worried because I have never been so sick from a pregnancy in my life.
I am guessing we are around 7 weeks based on when I started feeling sick.  The baby is the size of a blueberry.
Monday- Jason and I go to the doctor after work.  We do all the fun weighing in, blood pressure, etc.  We do the fun Pap smear (I still can't figure out why the first pregnancy visit includes this horror, but it always does).  After all the poking, the doctor feels my uterus and guesses we are closer to 8 weeks- the size of a raspberry. I am excited- one less week I have to be pregnant!  And, in more exciting news, I get to come back tomorrow for the ultrasound.
Tuesday- Jason and I arrive for our ultrasound and they call me back before he arrives.  I am trying to go slowly so he doesn't miss it and I don't have to hold them up.  We weigh in again (luckily, my weight didn't change since yesterday!) and go to the ultrasound room.  The tech is a young and peppy lady, and I am pretty happy we will get to see what is happening in my uterus.  She goes ahead to start the ultrasound, and I take a quick video for my mother in law and a picture of the little peanut.  Jason arrives, looks at the screen, and says, "It looks like a baby."  Aha!  He has figured it out... Haha, He apparently thought it would still look like an alien or a tadpole.  We watch the baby's little heart flutter and then baby starts to do this little dance.  All baby has is little arm and leg buds.  Baby is shaped like a peanut with a heartbeat, and I can hear the "itza, itza" sound my students always make as baby dances around in the big, black pool of all the fluid in my uterus.  Baby has plenty of room to swim and play still!

The tech finishes, says everything looks great, and says she will send the doctor in to give us a due date.  My doctor comes in and tells us we are nine weeks along, everything looks good, and we are due on June 10, 2016.  No blueberry, no raspberry, but a grape.  In two days, we gained two weeks of pregnancy.  This is awesome!

For the first time since I found out about this little peanut, I feel a bit of happiness.  I can see my baby doing it's little dance in my mind right now, and it makes me smile.  Growing a tiny human at this point in my life, with all that I have gone through is terrifying, but I know that it is going to be okay.  I just hold the picture of my dancing peanut in my mind.